Written & published by: Kevin Beard Jr.
How to deal with "difficult" people in today's society:
So I have gotten a few requests lately on a blog topic that I would like to cover. In this blog, I will be writing about what the term "difficult people" mean, what "difficult" people are, as well as a few strategies on how to deal with those who may be difficult, whether it's a relative, friend, lover, classmate, co-worker, boss, or even someone on the internet.
But first off, if you'd like to know how to deal with those who are difficult, you must first know what the term, "difficult person" is.
To begin, the term "difficult people" is a term that is usually used when someone fails to deeply understand the person that he / she is dealing with. We always find it easier to call someone a difficult person rather than trying analyze his or hers personality or trying to find the root cause for their behavior, whether it's emotional or physical. Those who are "difficult" generally behave in an unreasonable way because their judgement is clouded by emotion. Look at it like this -- when two people are interacting, one person's emotion tends to feed the others persons emotional response. For example, think about how difficult it is to react to an angry person without becoming either fearful, or angry at yourself. Its a totally natural response essential to human survival. Difficult people are also people we don’t know how to deal with, or in other words, those who are difficult for us to deal with. Furthermore, the word "difficult" are people who are disrespectful, stubborn, arrogant, oversensitive, or those who have any trait that needs a special type of treatment. Someone who no matter what you do for him / her -- they are not satisfied at what you do even if it's your best.
Let's face it. We all deal with difficult people in our lives. These kinds of people are everywhere & sometimes it's almost impossible to avoid them, especially if they happen to be a co-worker, classmate, lover & so fourth. However, knowing how to deal with these kinds of people are crucial to establishing good lasting relationships with them, whether it's a relative, friend, lover, co-worker, boss, or someone on the internet. Knowing how to deal with these types of people are important because If you don't give that person the special treatment they need, then you may fail to win them as a friend or as a lover. Think about it, these people have needs & wants just like we do. They may not be the same needs & wants as we have, but they certainly have expectations. So it's very important that you're careful & very cautious when dealing with these types of people because sometimes we don't know what someones true intentions are towards us. It could be good, or in this case, it could be bad or even pure evil as I call it.
From my personal experience, I know it can be hard to deal with difficult people. I've had to deal with difficult people myself, & the task of trying to deal with them can be tricky at times depending on the person who you're dealing with, but it's certainly not impossible to handle the situation. However, try to keep in mind that no matter what techniques you use in dealing with difficult people, there will be some people who you cannot change for the better. It is very rare that people ever change their ways. Those who I've had to deal with have always remained the same difficult person, from start to finish. What I can tell you is that those who are kind people are seen as weak & not as important to someone who is difficult because they don't understand us or where we are coming from. However, I've learned throughout my experience that you will attract those who act like you. For example, If you are a nice person who loves. respects & accepts others, then eventually you will attract the right kind of people that you are looking for. Unfortunately, for those who are "difficult," may be hardwired in their brains to behave in a negative way, or either raised & taught how to become evil. These kinds of people can be relatives, co-workers, boss, roommates, lovers friends & those who you happen to meet online. So in a nutshell, there is nothing you can do to make these kinds of people be more agreeable or stop giving you a hard time. However, there are ways that you can shine Gods light on others by dealing with difficult people no matter what the circumstances may be, so do not become discouraged, or think that you're the reason why the other person is acting a certain way. Always remember that you're a great person of society. Also, for the other person giving you a hard time, it's their actions that speak for itself. I've learned that if someone is giving you a hard time, then it's their problem & not yours. You done nothing wrong.
So with that being said, here's a few of my own strategies when dealing with difficult people from my personal experience, that may also work for you as well:
1. Acknowledge to yourself that they are rude, ignorant, mean & etc. Remember, you aren't acknowledging because you are overly sensitive or anything, but rather because you must first have a reason as to why they're being difficult towards you. After you identify or acknowledge to yourself that they are difficult, you have to make sure what you take or what they say or do to you will not impact you. If you have to work with them in the workforce, then be as civil as possible while standing your ground, & try to refrain from arguing. If you have a problem with them, chances are other people that you work with may have the same problem as well & that is always a comfort in knowing that you aren't the only one with this problem.
2. Make sure your time spent with them in person, online chat-rooms, on the phone, email, etc. are very limited. Why? Because It's best not to reveal too much about yourself to difficult people whether it's a chat-room, phone or in person, as they very often turn out to be a detriment to you & maybe even your reputation since they will rarely do or say anything that's in your best interest. Don't feed into the nonsense by responding to every little thing that someone may say or do to you (this can be very hard to do.) but understand that sometimes people ask questions or do things just to get a reaction out of you. So limit your interaction & conversations with that person. While limiting your interactions & conversations, try to initiate a conversation & speak in a casual manner. For example: Hi, how are you? How's your day? What are you up too? What are your plans for the weekend, & etc. Anything else that may be said that is irrelevant from the conversation in a negative manner should be ignored in person, or either blocked on the internet.
3. When a difficult persons says or do typically ugly things, just ignore them, & change the subject immediately. When those times occur, if possible, cut the time or conversation by telling them that something came up & you've got to go. If you chose not to take this route & you wish to confront them about a problem, by talking to them, then that's your risk, but I don't recommend it. What I do recommend is that you calmly tell them that you do not consider the matter to be resolved, but that it won't be possible to discuss it any further until they are calm. If they continue to speak negatively or continue to do something that you don't like, do not carry on & show your anger back to them. Anybody can walk away, but you have to be able to not let it affect you in the process. Doing so will only make the situation worse. Sometimes the only truly effective thing to do in this case is to remove yourself from the situation immediately.
4. When being around a difficult person, try to find out where they are coming from when they are saying something nasty to you or doing weird things that are immature or inappropriate. Ask yourself this question: "Is it just something I find annoying or is it something they do that is really bad?" If you haven't answered this question, then try to find out where he or she is coming from in a certain behavior, & if you hope for any change from that person, then you need to tell them what you're feeling when they do or say something you find nasty. If the person is not a genuinely bad person & they find it in their heart to understand, then once you've managed to break through the ice & express your true feelings about what they do or say, then both of you are likely to reach a win-win situation because both of you uphold each others values.
5. Never give difficult people a reason to escalate any argument or issue that's between you & whoever you're speaking with. Always be polite & helpful & assure them that you are there to help them & not hurt them. Even difficult people have a soft spot & as long as your not rubbing them up the wrong way or being rude & difficult then they should appreciate your help & honesty, & could even apologize for the way they acted. However, if they are abusive & just plain rude, then explain that your not here to be a verbal punching bag & that your life is hard enough without their abuse or torture. Refuse to help or speak to them unless they stop verbally attacking or harassing you.
6. Watch your surroundings more frequently & be more observant of who & what's around you. If you see that you're around or near the person who gives you a hard time, no matter where you're at or what you're doing -- distance yourself from that person immediately. If you have to talk to that person or work with them, then act cordial to them & only keep in touch with that person only when you have too. Understand that no one is forcing you to be around that person & no one is forcing you to talk to that person, so don't put yourself in that situation on purpose, if you don't have too be around them. Doing so will only make the situation more worse because you're putting yourself at risk of making yourself known to whoever is being difficult. It gives them more power if you give in their surroundings when you could walk away.
7. Sometimes smiling & being nice is the best approach for dealing with difficult people. Do your best not to take it personally when someone does or say something that's either rude or disrespectful to you. Chances are, they're trying to "test" you to see if you will give in to them. You don't want to fall for that scam. However, I do know that If you respond to their negative actions in a kind manner, with a smile on your face, then I promise that's all they need to leave you alone. If it is someone that is rude or disrespectful to you repeatedly or someone that you have to see often, you might even witness a change in them if you respond to them with kindness. Always remember as well, that difficult people are often people that have gone through something in their life & let it get the best of them, or, they see you as a threat. If they are harassing you or making fun of you, manner, then I recommend that you toughen up & muster up all the inner peace you can & try your best to be kind & respectful, even if what they say may hurt you emotionally. Always remember, the good karma is worth it at the end. You'll be able to sleep tonight knowing that you did the right thing by being more mature.
Although these strategies that I gave you won't change the difficult people, they will certainly break their ability to interfere with your effectiveness on a day to day basis, making your ability to deal with them, more easier. Whether these strategies I gave you will work or not -- dealing with difficult people takes practice, effort & a ton of patience, so again, don't get discouraged or feel like you're powerless over someone who's picking on you in any way, shape or form, because it's certainly not true. Though dealing with difficult people may be draining & exhausting -- always remember to be thankful for all the rude, obnoxious, & difficult people who you meet in your life. Why? Because they serve as important reminders of how not to be in public. Think about it, without dealing with difficult people, how would you know what a difficult person is, or what a difficult person means, or how to deal with difficult people? You must understand that dealing with difficult people are reminders of how bad & evil the devil can be. You should know that God is above all, & no matter what the circumstances are, you should always love & help others the way God did. Shining Gods light on others no matter how different or difficult someone may be from us is an amazing feeling. For those who harass, threaten or say mean things to you, just know that God always gives his toughest battles to his strongest, most wise soldiers. So for those who have poor morals, karma will come around to fix them straight, so there's nothing to worry about. I personally live my life off of this motto: "love all & hate none." If people treat me with hatred or harassment, then I completely forget about the end results of dealing with these kinds of people, as well as the negative impact it may have on me. Trust me, if you forget about the results of negative people & you don't let any negativity stop you, then it'll make your life a whole lot easier.
Now, you may be asking me: What is your definition of a good person of society? One who's not "difficult?"
A: Well, A good overall person in my eyes is someone who won't hurt you emotionally & physically. One who will listen to your problems & try to cheer you up when you're at your lowest point in your life. A good person is one who will put you first before them because they care about you & they go above & beyond all. A Good person will help you when life is difficult. You don't necessarily need to be poor for those to help you. A good person will help you because it's the morally correct thing to do. A good person is one who will be straightforward with everything they say & will not lie to you, but at the same time, they will not be cruel to you because they know that you have feelings as well, & they would not want to hurt them or see you cry. A good person is one who's not a thief & doesn't steal or claim anything that's irrelevant. A good person is also one who's not stubborn, disrespectful, cocky, cruel, evil & so fourth. A good person is a person who accepts you for who you are & won't be selfish about every dollar in their bank account while thinking they're superior to others. A good person is a best-friend -- someone who you can always look up too, rely on & count on when you need them the most.
This concludes my blog topic on how to deal with difficult people. I hope this blog has helped you in some way, shape, or form. If you have any questions, comments or concerns about what I've talked about, please feel free to reach out to me as I am here to help those in need of tips, advice, encouragement or inspiration.
Thank you for your time in reading.
God bless.
Written & published by: Kevin Beard Jr.
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