Monday, December 4, 2017

Do you deal with a lot of drama?



Written & published by: Kevin Beard Jr.

How to avoid & eliminate unnecessary "drama" in your life:

Before I begin on this topic, I am writing this topic on "drama" because I feel as though it's something that a lot of people struggle to deal with. It's unfortunate that I'm writing about this, but it seems today, people are much more interested in bringing others pain & shame than in trying to make things better for everyone, whether there's drama on social media, at work, at  home, etc.

Though you can't get rid of drama completely, especially when it comes to serious relationships / marriage (being that it's part of life) I feel as though most young teenagers, Men & Woman don't know exactly "how" to deal with ordinary drama when being in public with friends or co-works at work.

So in this blog, I will discuss why people start drama, what my thoughts about those who start drama are, as well as what my definition of "no drama" is, & lastly, how to avoid or eliminate unnecessary drama from your life.

So why do people start unnecessary drama?

 People start unnecessary drama because they're sometimes board with their life. In other words, there is nothing interesting going on in their life so they like to cause a ruckus & watch the chaos explode. People also start drama because it moves the spot light off of them & onto other people, or a group of people. Why? Because they don't want to be on the receiving end of the drama because their faults, problems & inadequacies would come in to the light for all to see. People who do this to others fall into the same category as a bully. Sadly, some people start drama because they need drama to survive, they thrive on it when they're board, & they need it to be happy with themselves. It's unfortunate, but those who start drama feel insecure for the wrong reasons & want to start some action so they can put others down to make themselves feel better. This can probably be caused by not getting enough attention at home, or their parents don't give them praise for doing right, so they do wrong. They do wrong because they want the attention, even if that means starting a fight with someone so they become the center of attention. It's all about action & attention.  Sadly, it's painful for these people to take a look within & realize that they are the ones starting drama, but at the same time, it's much easier for them to look else where & talk bad things to others by creating drama. The fact of the matter is, people who create or start drama need help in understanding that its their own misery that keeps them in the drama. People who create their own drama with others by gossiping behind their back, spreading false lies or information about them - deserve their own karma.

Now, what do I think of people who start drama?

Well, to be honest, I sometimes have trouble understanding these sorts of people who love to start drama. However, I do believe that those who do start drama do not see themselves in a realistic way. They will accuse someone of something that they do themselves. But the simple fact is they don't always know that they're the ones with the problem. For example, let's say you're someone who loves to start drama. If you have lived around this kind of thing your entire life then you will think it's normal to start drama. It's sad but true, so my point is that you can't really do anything for them, they just have to accept that they need help & get it themselves for it to do any good. However, there ARE ways that YOU can help yourself from being in unnecessary drama, but we will get to that very soon.

With that being said, most people may wonder how I avoid & eliminate unnecessary drama from my own life, so I will briefly go on & explain:

First things first, I have a personal relationship with my God, so therefore, there's peace in my heart. I don't listen to what the world speaks, but I listen to my God. I know what's right from wrong. When it comes to my personal life -- if a problem or situation arises, i can handle it without any help & move on from it myself. I don't continue to spark the fire with whoever or whatever I'm dealing with. I'm a quiet kind of guy, so I don't open my mouth & waste my time about things that don't matter. Why waste my precious time dealing with someone who starts drama? While I continue to live for God, I don't thrive on conflict or intentionally disagree with anyone to put them down or try to be the center of attention all the time. I treat others the way God loves me. While keeping my relationship with God, I don't exaggerate ANY situation & make it worse. For example; If I have plans to go to a movie with a friend tomorrow, & I call the day before to confirm the date. Now let's say that my friend tells me that he / she has to cancel & take a rain check. Now, I could just ask why & be done with it. However, the drama part comes in if I were to make a big deal about it & go off on a tangent & make a scene & call every 5 minutes trying to figure out if my friend is really doing what he / she says. Why would I waste my precious, fulfilling life on something that won't matter 1 week from now, or years from now? Listen, I'm pretty straightforward when it comes to how I handle or avoid drama from my life. When it comes to my life, I take everything easy & I'm very considerate of every situation that I'm dealing with, whether I'm in the cross-hairs of drama, or whether I'm being part of the drama. When it comes to dealing with people -- If I have to dramatize everything, then that person is not someone who I want in my life.

Ultimately, the freedom that I have found in having a personal relationship with God at a young age, as well as focusing on me & my own pain & working through it, is priceless. I find that the stronger my relationship is with God, the less vulnerable I am towards being involved in drama. I also found out that the more control I have over my life & the more that I'm satisfied with myself & the decisions that I make, the less I care about what others think, do or say. I'm blessed that I have learned how to avoid & deal with drama at a very young age. I will continue to apply my every day living with these same principles.

With that being said, here's my own tips & advice that I decided to add in for those who are either dealing with drama, or in the middle of drama. These tips I'm going to give you come from personal experience from either friends, co-workers, or anyone else who you may happen to see or deal with.

Some of these tips are complex & will work if you stick by them:

1. First things first, when someone starts drama with you, it is important that you are mindful of your surroundings & who you're around. For example, you don't want to be around drunk people, or those who are in a drinking environment because what happens if they get drunk? There ARE people out there who say or do stupid things when they're drunk, & will even go as far as making you look bad. So my point is that if you're around the wrong types or groups of people in a bad surrounding, you're more likely to have drama in your life, especially if the circumstances are there for it to happen.

2. You have to be smarter when dealing with drama in your life. Figure out a way either to keep the person who is creating drama away or completely humiliate them but through their own actions. To do this, you need to watch their actions. Just note that when they try to do harm by starting drama, then set them up so it will be clear that they did themselves in. In other words, you just have to keep your cool & be logical when you're dealing with someone who's starting drama. For example, If you notice that their actions / behavior falls into a pattern, then whether or not they're intentionally starting drama will reveal for itself. Of course if you try to beat them at their own game, you will look like a fool, just like them. So the goal here is to try to put them in their own trap by watching their actions & words.

3. In many cases, the best thing you can do when someone is starting drama with you is to brush it off & hope that the drama stays away from you, or dies off. However, If you feel like the drama worsens or still continues, then I suggest talking to a guidance counselor, or go to a trusted adult, or anyone who may be able to help with the situation. Never try to deal with the drama yourself when you're dealing with friends or co-workers who started the drama in the first place, because it'll only make you feel more frustrated or even depressed. Don't let the drama get you angry or depressed, that's just what they want from you. Instead, if you tell a guidance counselor or an adult, you're guaranteed that they will never bother you again, & therefore, you won't have to worry about ignoring them on your own. This will eventually bother the person who started the drama to the point where they will have to move on to new feeding sources, or something new to gossip about to someone else. So my point is that you have the power to change your life by changing your attitude of how you approach the situation when it comes to people & events.

4. When someone spreads drama about you or anything else related, just try to ignore it & block it out. Never say anything that will fuel the flames. In other words, don't fire back & spread gossip or say mean things behind their backs. You should always think before you speak. Why? Because If you confront the people who are spreading the lies, it is likely you will start more drama & may say something back that you really don't want to say, or mean to say, which could result in losing friends or those who you're close too. Now, I know that wanting to get "revenge" sounds like a way to take the drama off you, & back on the other person, but don't try to act like someone you're not, trust me, just be who YOU are. If people really love & accept you for who YOU are & like you for who YOU are, they will know that the gossiping are lies & may even defend you. On the other hand, If people want to believe the lies & gossiping, then let them be. You will most likely lose friends & have a bad reputation for a while, but you can't let that get you down because that's their stupidity & eventually, a rumor will be spread about them & they will learn their lesson. Think about it like this: Would you rather have a thousand fake friends, or would you rather have a few REAL friends?

5. When drama happens between 2 people & you're in the middle of it, not only should you block it out, but you should also start talking with new people to get your mind off the drama that's currently happening. It is also important that if you're in the middle of drama with 2 or more people, don't take sides, & never, ever react to what people say or do. it only makes matters worse. If you are already caught up in some drama, the best thing you can do is to back off, shut your mouth & never talk to them again until they admit that they've done wrong. I know that may be hard to do for some, but you need to choose your battles. When you are in the midst of some drama, ask yourself, "Is this the hill I want to die on?" Meaning, you would have to decide for yourself if the event / situation really matters. Now, ask yourself, "will whatever I can do or say really matter to me or anyone else ten years from now? Will whatever I can do or say make a positive difference in my life or in my friends life? If the answer to those questions to yourself are no, then once again, back off, shut your mouth, & don't talk to that person. Don't even make any plans with them or send out invites in front of people you don't intend to invite or hang out with. If someone Else's drama causes you to become distant from one of your best friends, then so be it. You're better of establishing relationships with those who you don't really know or talk to as much, such as a distant friend or worker.

6. Be more independent & take charge of your life. There's no need to make friends with every last person who you talk to or see. There's no need to have 100 friends (boys or girls) who live & thrive on drama. There's no need for people who start the drama to come to you with their every problem. There's no need to give into your friends drama & listen in to negative things. If you really want to take control of your life & be more independent, then reduce your friends who are too negative, aggressive, argumentative & unkind. Who needs that? I've learned that picking out the friends who are more mature, easy-going & trustful, while at the same time, having a small group of friends (between 2 or 3) will make your life a whole lot easier & less stressful to deal with. It will also make you more independent because the less friends you have, the more control you have over who you let come into your life & who leaves your life. It will eventually lead up to building more confidence in - not only yourself, but also the decisions you make in your life when it comes to dealing with drama.

7. If you want to avoid drama at work, NEVER share ANY personal information about yourself or your family to others who you don't know. A job is a job for a reason, & you're there to work, not gossip to others about your personal life, whether it's your manager, a co-worker, a customer, or even a friend who stops in to visit. You should only talk about work related things that are related to your job & nothing more. Why? Well because people who you share personal information at work with have power over you if you share ANYTHING with them. So my advice is to quit talking & acting like they are your friends. Instead, just be nice to everyone & smile, but don't talk about anything past the weather. If it's too late & there's drama already going around about you at work, the best thing to do is refuse to engage in that type of conversation & instead, focus on yourself. Don't become a recluse by any means, just avoid joining in their gossip. Listen if you have to but avoid commenting. If the drama gets too intense, your last option is to find another job elsewhere after you give your 2 weeks notice. Once you find another job, then you can start from a clean slate by keeping your mouth shut about your personal life & again, just be nice to everyone & smile. That is your biggest obstacle in this situation & will avoid all unnecessary drama.

 8. No matter what the situation is, whether it's at school, work or anywhere in the public - never let them see you sweat when you're under pressure. If you are asked for your opinion on a personal matter, just reply that you don't have an opinion one way or the other, or you can say that you were not listening because you were busy working or doing something else productive. If someone tries to draw you into a messy situation, politely excuse yourself from the scene, & If you are asked to go out with workmates, classmates or friends, use discretion, otherwise they will come back & tell everyone your business. These people are your workmates / classmates only & nothing more. Also, try to avoid eating lunch in large groups or volunteering too much information, especially personal information about yourself. Do not display pictures of any family members, pets or boyfriends / girlfriends at work, school or in public. That would be asking for trouble. Always remain professional & courteous in public, no matter where you're at.

9. Lastly, when someone starts drama with you, turn them over to a higher power & have faith in your higher power. Trust that God will set them straight & will make them realize what they're doing to others. The best advice I can give you here is to pray for that person every day. As frustrating as it can be to get into drama, i suggest that you don't hold a grudge against that person. Let go of the situation & let God deal with them. God will work through those who start drama & set them straight. Trust me, I'd know. I've realized that including God in your decisions will make you more knowledgeable when it comes to how to avoid & eliminate drama. It will also save you from a whole lot of drama in your life & therefore, you can focus on other important things in your life & achieve your goals & dreams without the stress, frustration, anxiety, depression & other moods.

So there you have it, those are my tips & advice to you for anyone who starts drama with you. I know it sounds complex & simple. However, if you stick to these tips that I gave you, I promise you that your life will already begin to change, so make the effort & begin to avoid & eliminate drama today!

Thanks for your time in reading!

Written & published by: Kevin Beard Jr.

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About Author

About Author
Hello. My name is Kevin Beard Jr. I'm 24 years old, born and raised in PA. I'm an inspirational writer, blogger, as well as an upcoming Youtuber and icon for those who need to seek advice, encouragement, guidance and inspiration through my words using social media. The greatest feeling in this world is when I know that I can successfully change one's state of mind for the better, to help them in crisis.