Written & published by: Kevin Beard Jr.
My message to young Teenagers, Men & Woman who need dating advice:
So, I'm here writing about this topic because I hear that you want to get into the dating world, huh? Is this the first time dating? Have you dated before? Are you inexperienced with dating? Are you scared or fearful of dating? If so, there's nothing to worry about. Take my word for it. The truth is that dating is not as complicated as people make it seem and 9 times out of 10, any date can be successful if you truly believe it will be. So, if you're someone who's reading this, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. I will easily turn you into a dating expert within minutes. Guaranteed.
With that said, the whole point of me writing about this topic is to give you some of my great tips & advice on dating, just from my own experience.
But before I get into it...
First of all, get yourself prepared for dating. If you really want to succeed in the dating world, decide who you are looking for. Decide what kind of person you're looking for. Are you open-minded to anyone? If not, are you looking for a person with a good appearance? Are you looking for someone with a personality? Are you looking for a workaholic? Are you looking for a homebody? Are you looking for a short or tall person? Are you looking for a skinny, average, or big person? Are you looking for someone of a specific race? Are you looking for someone with a certain religion? Are you looking for someone with specific morals, values & beliefs? These are the kind of questions you need to think to yourself. You need to analyze & create an image in your head of what your ideal date will look like & be like. Think to yourself exactly the kind of person you wish to date, do your research & ultimately, be ready to commit to the dating world before you start dating others.
Now, before you get into the dating world, think carefully about what your dating goals are, & also think about your timescale. For example, do you see yourself married within 2 or 3 years? If you do plan to get married soon then approach dating accordingly to your timescale. If you don't plan to get married anytime soon, then you can date more freely & openly without being rushed. At the same time, however, if you are more laid back & don't take dating too seriously then ask yourself some honest questions about why you are dating in the first place & what you hope to achieve out of dating. If it is purely just for sex then ask yourself if you are about to be honest with those people who you hope to date. Also, half-heartedness towards dating will not work, so make sure you are wholeheartedly committed to dating. Also, prepare yourself for some let downs & rejections along the way as you're dating. But, at the same time, don't take dating too seriously either, especially if this is your first time ever dating someone.
Now on to the good stuff...
Here are my tips for you to remember about dating, from my personal experience:
1. Get your act together. Begin a regimen of looking your best. If you have to, join a gym, read health magazines, get fit & start a diet if needed. Get your hair cut or styled & begin a new regimen of grooming/beautifying. Though looking your best will not find you a date in itself, you will feel a million times more confident about yourself.
2. Get your image right. If you have to, go shopping & treat yourself to new clothes & even a whole new look if you choose. A look that you can manage & live with, but one that will satisfy you as a person. That doesn't mean to go overboard & look like someone you are not, but maybe it’s time to throw out those tired jeans, shirts, old sweaters, cardigans, shoes or whatever you wear on a daily basis, & spice yourself up a little bit. Although appearance doesn't mean anything when you're dating, most people do appreciate a good appearance, just as a bonus.
3. Sort out your confidence levels in advance before you date. By having a good image you will feel better & be more focused. Do all the things that I've mentioned above & it will boost your confidence from avoiding negative friends (often the married ones) to attending the right kind of social functions. For example, dinner parties in suburbia where there will be couples may not necessarily be where you need to be right now. Find a comfortable but appropriate area that is more on your level of dating. By doing this, it will help you feel more confident in yourself.
4. Be yourself. When you are on a date it is very important to just be yourself. Why is that? Because being yourself will let the other person know who you really are as a person. By being yourself you get to make your own decisions, think your own thoughts, express your own feelings, beliefs, morals, values, make your own judgements & etc. Never act like something or someone you are not because your true colors will always come out sooner or later while you're dating. [I suggest you read my post on "how to be yourself" for more information.]
5. Work out in advance where in your neighborhood or community you are likely to meet people, & while doing so, it is best to join groups, societies, sports events, drama groups, or anything where you are likely to meet potential partners of your desire. In other words, the kind of partner you are looking for. I know it’s a cliché but you will not meet people by staying indoors doing absolutely nothing, so it's very important that you go outside, explore & put yourself out there to the dating world.
6. When looking for someone to date, choose those who you have a good chance of dating. When looking for someone, you want to be somewhat consistent in your search for someone. Don't aim low but do aim realistically. In other words, your dating is based on the whole package that you present as yourself, as well as just your personality itself. For example, if you are looking for a glamorous Woman or Man & you want to date someone who's trendy & gorgeous, then good for you, but be prepared & be realistic about your chances of being with that person. Don't be surprised if you get turned down.
7. For the first date, don't expect anything out of it. Go with the intention of having fun. Think of your date as going out with friends & nothing more. If you think you are going to hold hands, or be making out or have sex at the end of the night (after your date) then you are going to freeze up. You want to get to know their personality first, & if you have fun, or do something fun while getting to know your date, then their true colors will show through. This process should be just as easy as hanging out with your friends and nothing more.
8. During the date, don't go anywhere to be alone with your date if they suggest it, & don't go for any passionate kissing too soon. Why? Because it’s critically important not to move too quickly while dating, because if dating turns into a relationship, then it will destroy the relationship. Remember, consistency, communication and honesty are the 3 very important ingredients in a relationship, so keep that in mind as well for when you're dating someone.
9. If you are going on a blind date or meeting someone from the internet, shake their hand when you meet them & give them a hug before you end the date. Now, if you know this "person" personally, or have talked to them for a while at this point, then give them a hug when you first meet each other. When you both feel comfortable with each other, then go in for the kiss & you will be able to tell how they feel about it. Go slow about the kiss & if your date isn't feeling it, then they may turn their cheek & you can kiss them on the cheek instead. Now this is a personal preference, but I don't kiss on the first date. I don't want to be worrying about what is going to happen at the end of the night.
10. After the first date, never ever make yourself too available to see each other the next day. Why? Because people like mystery, enigma & the thrill of the chase when dating. In keeping with this, do not sleep or make-out with your dates early on within the next few dates. If you want the date to progress, then keep sex until later down the road because the longer a person is made to chase & fall for you within reason, the more likely that love may blossom into a relationship. If you peak yourself or expose yourself too early & yet, you have little left to offer, the emotions may never have the time to develop into a relationship.
11. Take time off from dating occasionally if it’s not going well or causing dating fatigue. Why? Because dating is an ongoing process & so recharging the batteries, while keeping your self-confidence & optimism levels high is an absolute must. So date in phases if necessary. I highly suggest that you do not date every single day.
12. Enjoy dating for what it is. Dating is about meeting people, socializing & spending time in the company of stimulating individuals who may or may not bring you a sparkle. The fact is, most people are interesting & while you may not be out there looking for new friends, you may well find one or two fabulous people along the way.
13. Ultimately, remember why you are here dating in the first place. At the end of the day, if you treat the entire date as if you were hanging out with friends, then you will probably end up as only friends. For this not to happen, you need to probe deeper with the questions you ask while on a date. In other words, talk about topics that are more on a deeper level. Go deeper than you would with your friends. I'm sure you have feelings right? Sure you do. So express yourself on a more deeper level.
Here are some more deeper topics to discuss about with your date:
1. Talk about family. (Don't spend a lot of time talking about your mom or dad). Talk more about family dynamics:
a) Talk about who you are closest to in your family b) Who you were raised by c) Talk about your brothers, sisters, cousins, extended family members d) Where they are from, where they live, what job they have, their religion, beliefs or morals etc.
2. Talk about growing up as a kid. In other words, talk about your life in general, like your ups & downs, your childhood experiences, what you went through in your life, who you were raised by when growing up, where you went to school etc.
3. Talk about your past relationships (if you've ever had one). For example: a) What your past relationships have been like b) What turns you on or off in a relationship c) What you did or didn't like about your past relationships d) What you learned from your past relationships e) What to look out for in your relationships & etc.
4. Talk about your future goals & dreams (what you hope to achieve at your career or job) what you hope to study (if you are studying.) Talk about the schools you may attend in the future, what education you may want to have (if any). Talk about where you might want to live at in the future, what job you may want to have etc.
Now, when you're having a 1 on 1 discussion towards your date, here are some things to remember when you are talking on a first date:
- Just be nice, pleasant, & friendly while on your date. There's no need to be rude, aggressive, mean or defensive. It will only destroy your chances of being with that person.
- Make good eye contact. This is very important because eye contact will show that you are listening to what they're saying. By making eye contact, it shows that you care about what they have to say about whatever they're talking about. Eye contact shows that you're focused in & also interested.
- Smile when he/she says something nice about themselves, or directly to you. In other words, show that you have a warm hearted personality. Don't sit there with a blank face, or a confused look on your face, it will only make the date very awkward for the both of you.
- Ask a few generic questions (hobbies, music interests, family stories, best / worst teachers you've had, stuff like that.) By doing this, you will get to know further information about the kind of activities or things your date likes or dislikes.
- When you are having a conversation with your date, you don't need to be a chatterbox while on your date, just fill up every quiet moment with talking. By doing this, you will make the date less dull & more interesting.
- Laugh at his/her jokes to add humor to the date. What kind of date does not have a little bit of laughter? Be happy, smile & laugh. Doing this will make your personality shine brighter & will higher your chances of being selected as the "one."
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Now, we all know that dating can be fun & an enjoyable thing to experience, but assuming that you want to know, or avoid the pitfalls & downfalls when it comes to the dating world, here's some advice on what to look out for in a person & how to protect your own heart from being hurt while on a date.
In order to protect your tender heart, it's a good idea to be extremely careful about the types of people that you would be willing to date & to also watch out for your own behavior as well. Why?
1. Because lots of young Women tend to be frogs, not princesses.
2. Because many guys will typically want to go way passed kissing if the girl allows it.
3. Because sheltered & inexperienced Men & Women can be too vulnerable, too impulsive, & too emotional.
4. Because some Men & Women have poor judgment & believe the lies that are spouted by a jerk or player.
5. Because many Men are typically only interested in what's in a Woman's panties.
6. Because some Men don't care about a Woman's feelings.
7. Because lots of Men & Woman are frequently focused solely on satisfying their own selfish desires.
8. Because many Women tend to equate love with kissing & sex (translation - they get their heart trampled), while most Men don't (translation - they simply say "See ya later, Dummy!").
9. Because after the inevitable break-up, a young Woman will often feel as though her world has collapsed.
With that said, what are some hazards of dating & what should you watch out for in a person while on a date?
Here are a few:
1. For the Woman - Watch out for those handsome players or creeps who might pretend to like you, because you could easily fall for their phony attention & smooth lines of crap. Beware - they'll use your body & then dump you like a sack of potatoes.
2. For the Men & Women - Decide on your physical limits before you start dating, & stick to those limits. Getting too excited while being alone together with your date or your steady boyfriend or girlfriend is not the time to start thinking about setting limits. Your judgment will be clouded, & your partner’s judgment will be long gone.
3. For the Woman - No matter what, don't date any older adult guys who pretend to be interested in you. They're even worse than players your own age, & like the players, they'll only be interested in one thing & it won't be your mind. Ironically, jerks, players, & liars are usually the most fun & the best looking, so you always need to be on your guard. Also, don't be tempted to act like a slut, or you'll only succeed in attracting complete jerks who will then proceed to wreck your life & make your parents really mad at both, you & the jerk you've dated.
4. For the Men & Woman - How can you keep your heart from getting trampled while on a date? Simple. Stay with your plan of keeping your panties on until the wedding night. That will eliminate 99% of the creeps, losers, & players & mistakes of passion, which will make your life much happier & simpler in the long run. You'll also be protected against pregnancy, STD's, & excessive heartache.
So with that said, why are jerks, players, & liars able to inflict so much damage when it comes to dating? Because of most foolish people out there who have the following issues:
1. Those who have no parental supervision. In other words, the parents are not there in their lives to discipline them or teach them what's moral & immoral when it comes to dating.
2. Those who lack of good parents in their lives, so they readily accept the attention from jerks (because they crave male love & approval).
3. Those who are gullible & easily lied to. In other words, they're given the wrong information about how to approach certain situations.
4. Those who become too physical too quickly. In other words, they have anger management issues & would take their anger out on another person.
5. Those who give away their virginity too soon based on the lies a jerk will whisper into their ears. Basically picking on the weak-minded people who will believe anything that anyone tells them to, which is immoral.
6. Those who don't mind getting treated like crap. In other words, those who don't know their own self-worth & value.
7. Those who often end up dumped & heartbroken because of immature people who like to mess with another person's heart & soul.
8. Those that do not learn from their mistakes, no matter how many times they're taught never to do "this or that" again.
Those are pretty much the reasons stated above.
So now that I've gave you great advice & tips on how to date, as well as what to lookout for when dating someone, I hope you become an expert on dating at this point on in your life. Always remember as well, dating is supposed to be fun & enjoyable, so take what I have taught you & put it to great use. Have fun with dating, for it's a great experience to have in your life. I assure you that you will have no more problems or worries about dating.
This now concludes the ending of my short blog on "dating advice." I hope my blog has helped many young Teenagers, Men & Women out there in this world on how to date & what to look out for in a date.
If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, you know how to reach me.
Thank you for reading & thanks for the love in return...
Written & published by: Kevin Beard Jr.
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