Written & published by: Kevin Beard Jr.
My message to young teenagers, Men & Woman who cheat on their loved one's in a committed relationship:
First of all, there are a lot of young teenagers, Men & Woman today who deal with heartbreaks because of cheaters, through relationships & even marriages, & I'm tired of those who get their hearts broken because of those who cheat on them, for I can relate to this. I understand that being cheated on is one of the worst feelings in the world to go through, & trust me, I'd know since I've been cheated on before, & it's not fun, but rather painful. To me, the biggest reason why someone cheats on their partner is because they either cant handle a commitment or they just are out there to use you & hurt you, emotionally & physically. From my personal experience, I believe that the most pain a person can go through in a relationship is one who has made the choice to stay committed to a relationship, someone who you love & trust with all your heart, betray you in such a way where one day they love you, & the next day, they stab you in the back & leave you in a heartbeat & doze off & seek or get intimate with another person behind your back without being acknowledged first, is probably one of the most painful situations that can happen to anyone during a relationship. What most young teenagers, Men & Woman don't understand is that, staying true to one person is something that's really important to our society, & in relationships. Take it from a guy like myself who has been cheated on in the past & lied to about mostly everything during my past relationships. I've learned to see passed their little games, & i can read them like a book, & trust me, they aren't fooling me, or anybody else who's been cheated on. The bottom line is that If someone is going to cheat on you then they are simply not worth your valuable time, & you should find someone who treats you right & actually cares about you & loves you for who you are as a person & not love you for what you can only give.
In my view of relationships, I believe that each individual relationship has it's own perimeters. These perimeter's are normally set before a commitment is made to be with one another. However, before they are set, there's normally agreements & settlements that you & your partner have to agree to in order to set the perimeters of the relationship, so that you & your partner know what's acceptable & not acceptable within the relationship, or what's appropriate or inappropriate in the relationship. This is a huge part of why relationships should be taken very serious, because once the perimeters are set, & the agreements & settlements have been made, then the "trust barrier" becomes set within the start of the relationship. Once the relationship is finalized & set, it all comes down to remaining committed & faithful to one another without stepping outside the perimeters of the relationship which most people today, struggle to do or can't do, because if one doubts the other person when in a relationship, it can easily prove very fatal in deciding the future course of the relationship. When you doubt your partner, you show less trust in him or her, which then effects the "trust barrier" of the relationship.
Now let me explain something to those who have cheated in the past or has currently cheated with another Woman or Man. Cheating on the one you're committed & faithful to in a relationship is always bad & will tear a relationship apart without question. What some of you don't understand is that a relationship is a commitment between two people that truly love each other & will work through anything to make thing's work, there's no excuses about it, & If you feel the need to be sneaky & step outside of the perimeters of your relationship by sleeping around with other people, getting intimate with others, or kissing another person during your current relationship because your own partner doesn't meet your "needs" or "wants" on a daily basic's, then you should perhaps stay single & not be in a relationship, period. Why? Because If you are in a committed relationship with a person, then you would honor that commitment & not cheat on them. Otherwise, why be in a relationship at all? When you think these thoughts in your head about "cheating" during a relationship, its very obvious that you don't really love the person who you're with & that you obviously don't deserve them. A real relationship can endure a great number of things, but the moment you break the perimeters of the relationship & break the trust barrier that's needed to keep the relationship alive & healthy, the relationship isn't worth having anymore, for It only takes one time to break that trust barrier & to "humiliate" yourself, as a reflection of your own actions. You must understand that a cheater is a person who lies & has weak morals for themselves. During a relationship, it's very obvious that people who normally are up to "no-good" are people who will usually pick the easiest things for themselves to deal with in such situations with the least hassle, because they know they can get away with it easily, if circumstances arise. People who cheat on their loved ones are often self indulgent & selfish, not thinking or caring about the impact of their actions that others will have to suffer from because of their own stupidity. People who cheat on others never think about the people they hurt, or what their needs or wants are, they only think about their self's, & their own needs & wants, & furthermore, it destroys not only the relationship they are in, but if the cheater also has children, then their partner will also have to live with the cheaters consequences also, which is even more significant on top of getting cheated on. Why cheat on your partner after having kids? Why make your partner suffer more pain then what they're already in? Be up-front about yourself. If you are a person who is at a point where you feel the urge to cheat in a on-going relationship, then you need to act like an adult & just end the relationship with your current partner immediately, instead of leading your partner on & acting like a horny person & hiding your disgusting actions from them, because when you sneak your way beyond the perimeter's of your relationship & break the trust barrier, & you decide to cheat on someone in ANY way, shape, or form, & it's not a part of the agreements or settlements within the relationship, then you are disrespecting your partner & hurting their feelings, emotionally & physically, so why hide around? Your partner is most likely to find out sooner or later, & when they do, the trust barrier will become broken, the relationship becomes torn apart, & in some cases, entire lives become ruined & shattered, due to the fact that "cheating" occurs within relationships & can lower their partners self esteem & make them feel like they aren't worthy of who they are as a person in life, to the point where some people resort to "suicide" because of heart breaks. This is why cheating is wrong & "frowned upon," because when a cheater does these kinds of acts, they are simply playing with another person's heart that their partner have committed & gave to them, & are playing with their mind -- they think that you (as the cheater) really loves them & have feelings for them, when in reality, you could care less about how your partner feels or what you're putting them through, but would your partner ever know that? Probably not. So again, why hide it? Cheaters who play with their loved ones minds & hearts during a relationship are those who are betraying their partners confidence, by lying to them behind their back about what they've REALLY been doing with another person, or seeing, as far as another person is concerned, behind their partners back. Also, let me just add that if you're a person who's okay with lying, & don't find anything wrong with lying as long as you don't get caught, then I can see how you're okay with cheating, because honestly, some people are young & immature & don't have any idea what a relationship is. They want to pretend they know what a relationship is, but they don't. They want to pretend that they know what a relationship takes, but they don't. They want to pretend they know what a relationship means, but they don't. They want to pretend they know what the words "faithful" & "committed" mean in a relationship, but they don't know what it means. The only people who know what a relationship is, or what it takes, what it means, & know what being faithful & committed really means are the one's who are patient about being in a relationship & know that there's no rush in jumping into a committed relationship, so they take a few months or years in getting to know somebody, deep down for who they are on the inside -- what their likes & dislikes are, what they believe in, what their values are, what their faith is, what their career path is, where they see themselves in 10 years & so fourth, before jumping to conclusions.
Then on the flip-side, we have young teenagers, Men & Woman who get involved in relationships too soon without really knowing who that person really is, & when these people do enter a shallow relationship, one will often complain & get bored after talking & hanging out with their partner for some time & will move on to another person who will fill-full their needs or wants without properly talking to their partner about the situation, or how it can be improved to make the relationship better or keep it more healthier. Let me explain something, the whole point of a relationship isn't to "talk" & just "hang out," that's called a "friendship." When you choose to be in a committed relationship, it's all about teamwork & effort. It's all about making the relationship work by being faithful & loyal to one another. There MUST be communication at all times, even when there's an issue that needs to be addressed within the relationship, you talk it out with your partner. When you're having a casual discussion about anything that's personal, you talk to your partner about it. If you aren't satisfied, or your partner isn't full-filling your "needs" or "wants," you talk to your partner about it. Either way you put it, their MUST be communication to make things work. Why? Because when you are in a committed relationship, you are dedicating yourself to one person. You are treating each other differently then you do with friends. For example, you don't talk about personal things you would normally talk about with your partner, with your friends or strangers. You wouldn't do the same things you would do with your friends or strangers in public, with your partner. Why? Because whatever you & your partner do & talk about is personal between you & your partner only, & should stay personal, & if you're somebody who doesn't run to your partner when you have a problem, or you want to talk casually, or if there's something you need that's not "full-filling" you, then it's obvious that your partner is not your top priority, which highers the chance of "cheating" to occur within the relationship. With that being said, when two people are in a committed relationship, they not only have communication, but they normally act more intimate & romantic around each other, but not around anyone else & not with anyone else.
On the other hand, we have some young teenagers, Men & Woman who want more then what they already have out of a committed relationship that they have created in the first place, so they will live a second life of deceit & lies, while currently in the relationship with their partner which isn't cool at all. The reason why it's not cool to live a second life with another person & lie to your current partner about it at the same time is because you are breaking your dedication to the other person in the relationship. Once your partner finds out, It will hurt them emotionally because they will feel less important to you, & when you're in a committed relationship, that person should be what's most important to you, not some person you met on the street. It frustrates me because when someone puts their heart out there to you by giving all they have & lowers their guard to trust you, you would think that the right person would hold that dearly to them, & not betray that person, but unfortunately, that isn't the case now a days, & this is why a lot of people become heart broken, simply because the "trust barrier" is no longer there anymore, which is why cheating is the ultimate betrayal in a relationship. As I've said before, people who betray others in a relationship are simply selfish. Why? Because they don't want to give up what they have already - a partner, security, familiarity, shared assets, a family, & etc. - but they want "more" then what they already have. They are unable & unwilling to tell these things to their partner & be honest with them about it. People who cheat think that they are smart enough, & sly enough to hide their second life behind their partners back, & more often than not, they are wrong & will get caught.
Look, no matter what bad things you & your partner have gone through, or no matter what issues or problems you & your partner have gone through before, or no matter how difficult the relationship has been, if the relationship is still on-going, yet you're still getting this thought in your head that maybe "cheating" will solve everything completely & ease the pain of yourself, then something is terribly wrong with the relationship & should be addressed to your partner immediately for further discussion. Why? Because If you truly love somebody for who they are, then you would do all you can to make the relationship work with the person you are with, & If your other half is willing to make things work, even if that means fulfilling your own "needs" or "wants," then consider yourself blessed because your partner loves you enough to make things work for the better, even though you've been thinking bad thoughts in your mind about wanting to cheat. Also, keep in mind that If you truly love somebody, you wouldn't have to cheat on them by seeking, flirting, kissing, or getting intimate with other people just for your own pleasure or needs, but would rather stick with who you have & make things work because you love them for who they are, which would be your partner, & your partner only, & If you feel that you don't have enough self-control to stop seeking, flirting, kissing, or getting intimate with other people during your current relationship, then it's time to let that person go & let your partner know up front that you can't control yourself at this point & that you don't wish to be in the relationship anymore. It's better that you're honest with your partner now rather than being selfish to yourself & having your partner figuring out that you're seeking other people, sleeping around with them, getting intimate, & kissing other people, because that will make everything THAT much more worse.
The bottom line is that cheating in a relationship is ALWAYS wrong. However, for those who have been cheated on, just know that forgiveness is always needed, not really for the person who cheated on you, but mainly for yourself. I understand that it's painful to get hurt, but the best thing to do in situations like these are to cure your heart again & patch the open wounds & protect your heart more then ever & ensure yourself that you will never enter a committed relationship again until you're ready, & it is only until then, that you'll know that you're good for any future relationship you're in. God never promised you a flawless relationship that was ever perfect. However, he does forgive. If you make a mistake from being in a committed relationship with someone who you thought you once loved & cared for, then take your past as an experience & learn from their actions, that way when the next relationship comes around, you become more aware of your surroundings & more aware of what to look for in a cheater. It's always a good thing to change a negative into a positive, & though you may of gotten your heart broke, (witch is the negative,) at least you've learned a lot from your past experience, & you can take what you learned & make good use of it (which is the positive) Sadly, not everyone chooses to learn from their mistakes, & the consequences will land of them. You either learn, or you don't learn. Either way you look at it, life moves on. On the flip side, once you've been cheated on, it's next to impossible to fully trust that person again who you were once with because once the "trust" is broken the first time, it's impossible to repair the trust the exact same way it was given to you in the first place. In addition, it's very likely that once someone cheats on you, & you decide to continue the relationship, they're likely to cheat on you again. It's generally this reason why most relationships end once cheating has been revealed for the first time.
Ultimately, I hope my information on "cheating" has helped those who either have cheated in the past, or currently has cheated on their loved one. Let's try to reduce the amount of heart breaks. That's the goal.
P.s I want to thank those who read my posts, chime in, & are very supportive of me. I appreciate the love from you all.
Written & published by: Kevin Beard Jr.
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