Written & published by: Kevin Beard Jr.
Personal message: What I believe being a good parent means in today's world:
First off, let me start off by saying that the problem that I see these days is that we have a million couples in this world who want to be parents, but just a handful of people know what good parenting is. Whether you are a parent, or not a parent, it's always good to learn more. Many couples want babies because it is a symbol of them being a family, to be trendy or to please their parents & friends, so the idea of having a kid is more of a symbolic decision rather that one made from the urge or parenthood. Babies also bring about a complete change in a parents whole lifestyle. Suddenly life is no longer revolving around them, their needs or their moods, but everything now depends on the baby's. Many couples are just not ready or prepared to deal with such changes in their lives. They instead start viewing their child as the excuse in taking away their life goals & dreams. Most parents just don't want to mature & stop behaving like teenagers, newlyweds, bachelors or spring chickens. The other side of bad parenting, are over-protective & over-expecting parents who want nothing more from their child than the image they have in store for them. These parents are usually those with childhood or teenage regrets who do not want to see a repeat of themselves through their child so they spend their time putting strict rules which takes away the child's right in their version of "child protection." Other parents put pressure on their child to perform so that the child can have a better future than their parents or to have the future that they once envisioned for themselves, but couldn't attain. Sometimes it is also to maintain a family standard. The third side of bad parenting can simply be called, "non-parenting." They are usually parents who surrender to each & every one of their child's needs in a effort to prevent the child from annoying them or because they think that giving a child what the child wants is the same as giving a child what it really needs & therefore being a good parent in their minds.
Though I may not be a parent, or have experienced what it's like to be a parent, does not mean I'm incapable of, or lack the knowledge of what a good parent is, because I can see throughout my past, that my parent's, themselves, have demonstrated & raised me to be the young man I am today & have gave me so much unconditional love, comfort, support, knowledge & have blessed me with gifts on special occasions throughout my life that I will forever cherish & acknowledge. I had always looked up to my parents since I was born, for they had always lead by example. I love my parents because they gave me life. The first minute I opened my eyes to see life, there they were, both, my Mom & Dad, right there beside me. My parents have sacrificed so much to raise me when I was born, for they both had a job back then & they gave me a roof over my shoulders, a bed to sleep on, a bathroom to take a shower & clean myself, a heater, so I could stay warm, some blankets so I could feel secure, food, so I could eat & stay healthy without starving to death, toys for me to play with, & even an education, so I could expand my knowledge & go beyond my limits. My parents had always cared for me, no matter what, they would always give me kisses & hugs before bed, before school, & after school -- even when I fell or tripped on the cement & got a "boo boo" on my body, my parent's would kiss it & tell me "it'll be alright." My parents had cared enough that when there were times when I was badmouthing off, or talking back to them in a nasty attitude, or even times when got in trouble or made a terrible mistake, they would always be there for me to comfort me anyway, because they cared enough to want to talk to me about the situation & help me learn from my mistakes. My parent's never blamed me for my poor actions, because they knew I was only learning, because that's part of growing up. My parents would always discipline me when I deserved it, whether they would put me in time out, ground me, or even give me a belt spanking, not to "abuse" me, but to teach me a lesson, in a way that I would understand thing's in life, or the consequences that could lead up to my bad habits, which is reality -- what's right from wrong. My parents are the kind of people who care for me enough to always listen to what I would have to say, no matter if it was the truth, my own opinion, or even a debate, they would always listen to me speak, & would never cut me off because they cared enough to want to understand where I'm coming from, or the point I was trying to get across to them & such. My parents were also very secure of me -- they would never leave me unattended without supervision, & if they did, there was a baby monitor in the same exact room I was in, (including my bedroom) so that way they could always keep an eye on me through video & voice audio & make sure I'm alright at all times. My parents would always make sure that I felt loved & secure by doing things that were required of them everyday, like changing my diapers, giving me a bath, putting my cloths on, making me breakfast, lunches, & dinners, & randomly kissing & hugging me throughout the day & telling me, "I love you" just so they could remind me that I feel wanted & appreciated & etc. My parents had loved & secured me so much to the point where they would lay down with me in my own bed if I was ever scared of something in my room, or even If I had happened to run across the hallway during the middle of the night with my little blanket dragging against the floor, to run into my parents room & sleep with them for the rest of the night, knowing that I had a bad dream & would be secured & loved if I slept with them. With that being said, my parents are also respectful people towards me -- they never fought against each other, never called each other offensive names, never cursed at each other, never swore at each other, never got physical with one another, they never influenced me with bad exposures, such as nudity, inappropriate TV shows, physical violence, drinks, beer, drugs, sex, & etc, but rather exposed me to educational TV networks that had no nudity, no violence, no drinks, beer, drugs, sex, & so fourth. My parent's had cared enough to respect the type of environment & surroundings that I was living in & around when I was only a little baby. My parents would also buy me things that I needed when I was a child, but never bought me anything that I wanted. I had to earn the things I wanted when I was little, which gave me a lot of motivation in my life to get things done & succeed at them, so I could get whatever I wanted. My parents always took care of me every single day, even when I was just regularly sick with the flu, cold, or chicken pox, or terribly sick to the point where I had a few asthma attacks, & passed out in my own bedroom a few times with a fever of 104 & ended up completely dehydrated & was rushed to the hospital overnight for a few nights during my childhood because of my extreme body temperature. The only thing I had remembered before I had went to bed that night was my Mom kissing me "Goodnight" before bed. I woke up the next morning & was put into a hospital bed, with my parents beside me. When I had asked them what happened, they said they caught me passed out during the night, & when they had discovered me on the floor, they picked me up off the floor, put me into their car, & drove me off to the emergency room, without hesitation, & here I was the next morning, in a hospital bed, conscious again. See, my parents are the type of people that would do all they could to make sure that I get the proper treatment, & to make sure I get it right away & that I'm okay & feeling better then I was before. If I wasn't feeling any better, my parent's would sacrifice taking off from work, just to be with me, feed me, give me my medication, lay down with me during the day & watch TV with me, & would sleep with me overnight, to make sure nothing would happen to me again. My parents would always put me first, before their friends, or other family relatives, because they knew I was only a helpless baby at the time & I was their top priority. With that being said, My parents always supported me at home & throughout school, physically, mentally, & financially. When I was a baby, my parent's would always teach me how to show self-manners & respect towards myself, & others while at home, & after school, my parents would show or teach me how to do my homework if I ever needed help with it. I can't remember one time where my parent's had never helped me with my homework when I needed it. My parent's only wanted what's best for me & would always strive to see myself get good grades throughout school (grades 1 - 12th) in which I have already graduated & got good grades & got student of the month rewards & had made honor roll a few times throughout High school. My parents always supported my beliefs, my education, & my life path in general & never had judged me or fought against me in any decision I have ever made, nor have they ever judged me for my appearance, my gender, my race, my careers / hobbies, my beliefs, my opinions, my faith, & much more. My parent's have never called me names to belittle me, or put me down, or make me feel bad, & never said I couldn't achieve anything in life, for they said I could be anything I wanted to be if I really set my mind & dedication to it. My parent's would never pressure me into being someone I'm not, for they are accepting of me in every aspect of my life. When I was a baby, my parent's were the type of people who always looked me in the eyes & smiled, & wanted the same in return from myself. Throughout my life, my parents have taught me everything I needed to become a well-rounded, respectful, but educated young Man in today's society. My parents have taught me so much about life in general & have shown me throughout my life as a baby, what it takes to become a good parent, & especially how to love, secure, & nurture your own kids, or even strangers, & to not judge them in today's world, but rather accept them for who they are. Overall, without my parents, i wouldn't be the same person I am today, & i owe it all to my parents.
Though I'm not a parent, & don't plan on becoming one anytime soon, I strongly believe that I don't have to become a parent, to have knowledge about what makes a good parent. Look at me -- look at my parents. My parents have demonstrated to me what it takes to be good parents throughout their own actions ever since I was born, but am I a parent? No. How do you think I'm the the type of person I am today? I am who I am because of my parents & even if I was a parent, nothing would change who I am, or what I'm knowledgeable of. I've looked up to my parents ever since I was born & they are the one's who have educated me upon my life journey. I am blessed.
So with this being said, I am now going to take all the information I learned from what my parents have demonstrated to me & have indulged me, & talk about what it takes to be become a good parent (In my opinion) & write a short Essay on it, along with what makes a bad parent:
First of all, a good parent doesn't put themselves first. Ever. They put their child first in every aspect of their life. Also, a good parent is loving, nurturing, understanding, & shows their children that they love them unconditionally. They show them even when they are testing your nerves, that you will always love them no matter what. I think bad parents seem to find any excuse, so that they can get "breaks" from their children. They put others before their children, usually themselves or their friends. Also, I think when a parent does anything to belittle their children, or make them feel as though they aren't important to them, they make for bad parents. Understand that there are so many people in this world, that children have to worry about judging them in today's cruel world, so why make it harder on your children by degrading them, talking down to them or embarrassing them, for that will only make them resentful towards their own parents later in life? Another thing is, parents are people, & all people make mistakes. Making mistakes in parenting does not necessarily make you a bad parent. However, A good parent isn't afraid to admit to their child when they've made a mistake, which helps the child realize that everyone makes mistakes & you shouldn't be so hard on yourself as a parent. A good parent is also able to provide a stable, safe home environment for his or her children. This involves emotional stability & support for the kids as well as the ability to meet their needs WITHOUT relying on assistance from the government or others as a regular thing. A good parent doesn't bring children into the world when they are already struggling to make their ends meet or to reach a goal. They work to have a living situation where they can support themselves first & have a little money left over to save, THEN they start worrying about having kids. If parent's have kids & then fall on hard times, then they work to get out of those hard times as quickly as they can. A good parent recognizes & accepts that parenting involves sacrifice. No, your life will not be the same once you have a baby. You will actually have to put the needs of your child first & that might mean missing out on things you would like to do, like going to movies, going out to dinner, hanging out with your friends, partying, & much more. A good parent recognizes that not all places or events are appropriate for their children & either hires a babysitter when they want to go to those places or events, or graciously declines invitations, & would rather stay home with the kids. A good parent recognizes that she / he is just a child & the excuse, "doesn't know any better" isn't an excuse for bad behavior, because the reason kids have parents is so the parents can teach them to know better. Good parents understand that children have to be taught how to behave & actually put effort into teaching these things. They recognize that this teaching begins at home & that you can't expect a child to behave well in school, or even in public, if you don't expect some level of good behavior at home first. A good parent does not automatically assume their child can do no wrong. If a problem is brought to their attention, like bad grades or their child is bullying others) then the parents try to figure out the truth of the situation & address it accordingly. A good parent doesn't give a child a job to do the moment it's born. Good parents don't expect their kid to fix their own problems or make life perfect. They don't plan on living vicariously through their children. They don't place conditions on the love they have for their children. While they might have hopes & dreams for the future, they don't try to force their children to live up to those dreams or withdraw their love if their children don't live up to those dreams. They are prepared to love their children regardless of such superficial things, like their child's sex, gender, sexual orientation, appearance, & chosen hobbies / careers & etc. Good parents recognize that children are unique individuals with their own personalities, interests, & talents & don't try to force their kids to be people they aren't just to please Mommy & Daddy. A good parent will always have time for their children. They will have the time to listen & understand what they need from you, even to their rambling stories & make believe, to give them the attention they need so that they feel wanted & important to you, the time to play when they want to play or just to feel your closeness when they just need a cuddle, the time to share things with you, however insignificant they may seem. Good parents spend time to make their kids feel secure & safe, to allow them to grow in self confidence & have faith in those around them. Good parents show their kids right from wrong in life & to explain why it is that way so they learn to judge for themselves about the impact they have on others who are around them. We must understand that children learn about life from the adults around them, about how they are expected to behave & respect for other people. They follow examples set by their parents & model their behavior on what they witness. If parents expect a type of behavior from their children when they do the opposite, it sends conflicting messages to their child, so parents need to be aware of how their behavior can influence their child. Also remember, that children succeed best when they feel secure. Security leads to self confidence & that leads to more effective learning. Security comes from having loving, caring, patient parents who have given time & attention to their children.
If only people could understand that just because someone becomes a parent, doesn't mean that these people graduate into a higher species with sudden, special information about children that some of us others aren't aware of. You'd be surprised how many parent's today have no idea of how to be a good parent. The only difference about being a parent & not being a parent is that, those who are parent's, go through & learn the experience of being a parent & become a better parent everyday, striving to be the best parents they can be towards their kid in any way, shape, or form they can, hence why nobody is "perfect" in this world. For those who aren't parents, like myself, It's perfectly normal for us to have ideas about how a parent SHOULD raise their kid, especially because it's more beneficial if we start deciding on discipline BEFORE we become a parent, which only makes more sense in my view of things. I'll admit, It's true that you can't really understand what parenthood is like until you are actually a parent, but I've heard it said that the best parents are those who aren't parents at all. This means, we see things idealistically & not realistically, because we know that circumstances can change at anytime when we become parents.
I hope my information becomes useful / helpful to those who are struggling to become a good parent in today's world.
P.s. Thank you for your time in reading what I wrote. As always, thanks for the love & support. Stay blessed.
Written & published by: Kevin Beard Jr.
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