Written & published by: Kevin Beard Jr.
My message to young teenagers, Men & Woman who don't know how to love themselves before others:
First of all, let me state the obvious, in which, most of us know, or should know that God is love & is above all other thing's in life. The picture looks like this:
"God ---> Yourself --> Others"
However, let's exclude that from the picture for just a minute & let's talk strictly about why it's important to love yourself, as a human, before loving another human on this earth. The picture now looks like:
"Yourself --> Others"
I will be pinpointing strictly between human love & why it's important to love yourself first before loving another person (Human nature)
So let's begin:
First of all, let me ask you a question. Why shouldn't you love yourself first before loving another human being? I mean after all, this world would be a much better place if everyone did. How can you love someone else, a Man or a Woman, if you don't first & foremost love yourself? To establish a relationship with friends, your girlfriend or boyfriend, or husband & wife, when you don't even love yourself first, is like trying to drive a vehicle without gas. The vehicle won't move without the essential need being met first. In this case, if you don't love yourself first, then you can't believe that anyone else could truly love you either. You must understand that if you don't love yourself, you are only allowing yourself to be manipulated by others & you'll be more easier & prone to damage, by those who like to use you to their advantage, by lying & playing games with you. If you do not love yourself, you will not cause others to value you or be careful of how they treat you. They will take you for granted, waste your time at will, & otherwise be abusive to you without regard to how it makes you feel, & you don't want that. Loving yourself establishes you as a person of quality, & eventually people will soon respond to you in a kind, but respectful way, but only if you love yourself first. Of course, It is easy for you to love others instead of yourself, sacrificing all for the one you love, but always remember, you come first, because YOU are the important one above any other human being on this earth, & to first, & foremost, know that you love yourself should be a wonderful thing. Understand that when you don't love yourself first, there is no way that you can receive love the way it is intended to be given if you do not love yourself first. You must love yourself first in order to be free to love another Man or Woman, or friend. Loving yourself first also means taking care of your body, from the inside & out. Loving yourself means to know how to treat yourself both physically & mentally. Know how to eat right, exercise, rest, relax & cope with stress, & knowing when you need a mental health day to let your mind slow down & refocus on the important things in your life, but most importantly, you MUST know how to love yourself & know what happiness means to you. It's never selfish to love yourself, but you should take care of yourself & to make your happiness a priority, for it is necessary. If you do not love yourself, find out why, & improve on your flaws. Learn to love yourself for all that you are. Accept your weaknesses, flaws, appearance, strengths & etc, for you're a independent, strong, & beautiful person on the inside & out. This is a task that will require you to break the old unhealthy habits for yourself & to stay healthy with all of the temptation that is out there in this world. In order to take on this task you must really look at why you are doing the thing's you do, & the thing's you say in life. It is true that some of us indulge in unhealthy habits because it makes us feel good & others over indulge because there is a deeper issue within us that needs to be addressed. For example, a lot of these deeper issues of loving yourself arise from your childhood experience. Think about it, during your early childhood, could you even imagine or realize how easily you could of been affected or influenced by the actions of your parent's during your early childhood? These childhood events can come back to haunt you in adulthood through many different, but unhealthy activities. Although it is true that you must love yourself first, before you can love others, it is also true that someone has to love you BEFORE you can love yourself. Why? Well think about it, humans have needs, social needs as well as physical needs. The need to feel special, the need to feel valued, the need to be respected. These needs are usually filled by our parents when we were children. We learn how to love by example from our parents. We get these intimacy needs filled from our parents. It's also true that we tend to treat others how we treat ourselves. If we know how to meet our own needs, if we feel okay & comfortable with ourselves, if we value ourselves, then we naturally extend this to other people. On the other hand, if we are critical of ourselves, if we feel ourselves not valuable, if we feel our desires needs are shameful, or not met, then we won't take care of others very well, & we will treat others the same way we treat ourselves. We will be critical of them. When they have a desire or need, we will feel as though they shouldn't have it & not help them fill it. We will feel them not valuable & not take effort to nurture them. The bottom line is that if we don't know how to take care of ourselves or love ourselves because we were never taught a good way to do it from childhood, then we will just not know how to take care of & love others & that's a major problem in today's society.
However, now that we are starting to grow up in this world & are becoming more independent, it is up to us to now evaluate ourselves in an effort to find that link, that will establish the love connection inside of us. Think of of it like this, loving yourself first is like being comfortable in your own skin. Think to yourself, do you know what defines you? If you don't know who you are or appreciate who you are, then no one else can love you for your true character. If you don't know how to embrace yourself & constantly flounder to be someone you are not, how can you expect others to know who you are? Understand that when you know who you are & embrace your unique personality as the one that you were born to have, then others will love & appreciate the real you, not a fake you. Now, for those young teenagers, Men & Woman who are still trying to figure out how to find & love themselves first, once you have pinpointed the causes of your unhealthy, but bad habits, you can then begin the journey of repairing yourself & making a better life for you & those who you come in contact with. While doing so, you have to look deep into yourself, & only then you will be able to discover the treasures within. When that happens, when you can look within yourself & feel the source of your life, beauty & love, then everything on the outside will not even matter anymore, but at the same time, during the process, you will have to face the dimensions of yourself that you may not be that fond of, such as your flaws, your appearance, your weaknesses, your strengths your unhealthy habits & so fourth, but by facing these dimensions of yourself, this will more likely help you to define who you are as a human & to appreciate your entire existence on this earth, for you are a person, unique & different aside from everyone else living in this world. Although facing these dimensions of yourself can be a very painful & difficult task to accomplish, it will be worth it in the long-run, for you should find meaning in those areas that you look upon as negative, because the more you fight against what you deem "negative" about yourself & the more deep your bury these thoughts inside yourself, the more issues you will continue to have within your life, because in the end, you are all that you have, & that should be enough. You MUST love yourself, & love yourself first, so it's very important that you learn the process.
You should also love yourself enough to be confident about yourself while actively trying to improve yourself. If you're not confident about yourself, then you will then lack confidence in every aspect of your life & discontentment will then show through to others who are around you. No one is saying you have to walk around preening yourself & telling the world that you are a wonderful person. What it means is, if you can be happy with who, & what you are, & you portray yourself like this to others in public, then those people will love you also for what, & who you are. Also remember, If you loved yourself, it should mean that you'd try to do what's best for you, so that could include things like reading or learning to be more wise, intelligent, & interesting, or working out to be more fit (increasing physical attractiveness or your health), or going out more to work on social skills & or going out just to have fun with yourself & etc. For some people, confidence is natural, but for some, it's something that needs to be worked on. Always remind yourself of your successes, whether it be in school, work, personal, or social realms, & use them to strengthen your confidence & motivate you to achieve more. Understand that if you are not confident in yourself, then you will present yourself in public as a weak & unhappy person who will dwell on "what's wrong with me" for the rest of you're life. If you are confident & optimistic, & happy with the way you are, then you will carry yourself differently & also attract the opposite sex naturally, without even knowing it. If you hate yourself, then you put across the opposite impression, & push everyone away, without knowing it, & you don't want that. Also, keep in mind that the physical appearance or looks of someone can only go so far once you get to know a person, but it's the personality or the connection that keeps someone interested in yourself. With that being said, sometimes doing reasonable things in life, that makes you happy is not only good for yourself & your well-being, but others who are around you as well, for those are the people who usually enjoy & are interested being around happy people more so, then others who are unhappy with their self's. Overall, the goal is to be good to yourself, & I don't mean be over-indulgent & do whatever you want, but do things that are good for you & are healthy for you, because that's what will attract others the most.
When it comes to ONLY human nature & human love, you are all that you have in life, so therefore you must love yourself, & love yourself first. Never settle for less than you're worth. Respect & love yourself, set the standard for others, or you will fail in your search to find the kind of love you want. As long as you love yourself it doesn't matter what others think. It's not their lives, it's yours, how you see yourself is how you have to live, not theirs. Do not depend on anyone else to love "you" when you can't even love yourself. You come first, so you must be happy with yourself. To love yourself means to treat yourself with respect. You don't allow other people to make decisions for you that you should be making yourself. You treat yourself with patience, you know you're not perfect, but you like yourself anyway because you realize you're a work-in-progress & you continue moving forward with the work at hand. You recognize when you fall short of a goal, & you figure out ways to do it better, but you don't beat yourself up over failures because you recognize them as learning experiences. You're careful of your actions & how you talk to yourself, & what you say to yourself, & you insist that other people speak to you respectfully, too. You keep a wide distance between you & people who can't seem to remember that (& there are always a few of them out there.) You cultivate your own happiness. When you're comfortable with that process, & comfortable in your own skin, then you're ready to love another human because it'll be as much about you as it is about them. Now that's a journey worth taking.
P.s You must understand that we all make mistakes, hurt & disappoint people at some point in our lives, we get hurt & get disappointed in ourselves. The number one key you should remember is to NEVER get caught up in the past, but perhaps, learn from it. Allow yourself to grow, smile, & to be happy. It should be the greatest feeling ever when you look at yourself in the mirror & see a honest person, your best friend, the one you can always count on. Always make sure you are that person at all times & always love yourself no matter what. Do this & you will have a lot of fire in your heart, while spreading others hearts on fire as well when you are around them in public. Always be gentle, kind, respectful, confident & sincere to yourself. If you carry these traits out with you & show them in public, you might inspire others with that positive outlook of an attitude. Think about it...
Need more advice or need any further assistance? Feel free to message me & I will get back to you as soon as possible.
Thank you for your time in reading what I wrote. Once again, I appreciate the love & support from you all...
Written & published by: Kevin Beard Jr.
Like what you see?
Please share this post:
